1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,220 Warner Brothers Domestic Television Distribution. 2 00:00:05,640 --> 00:00:06,800 Here, fishy, fishy. 3 00:00:07,060 --> 00:00:07,979 Shout time. 4 00:00:07,980 --> 00:00:11,340 Can I feed the fish? No, no, no, no, no, sir. 5 00:00:11,880 --> 00:00:13,620 Nobody comes near this fish. 6 00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:16,239 Dad, what's the big deal? 7 00:00:16,500 --> 00:00:18,120 It belongs to Lieutenant Murtaugh. 8 00:00:18,360 --> 00:00:22,020 I am fishy sitting while he's in Las Vegas searching for the future Mrs. 9 00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:23,200 Murtaugh. 10 00:00:24,480 --> 00:00:26,440 He may be gone a long... 11 00:00:30,760 --> 00:00:32,500 Anyone care to join us in a happy dance? 12 00:00:33,060 --> 00:00:38,660 Hey, what's up? 13 00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:42,000 The Urkels are packing their car. It looks like they're going on vacation. 14 00:00:42,740 --> 00:00:43,740 Oh, yeah. 15 00:00:46,720 --> 00:00:47,800 How much luggage? 16 00:00:48,660 --> 00:00:50,260 Two weeks' worth, easy. 17 00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:52,440 Two weeks without Steve Urkel? 18 00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:54,240 Wow. 19 00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:56,420 Maybe dreams really do come true. 20 00:01:32,940 --> 00:01:39,320 It's a rare condition, this day and age, to read any good news on the newspaper 21 00:01:39,320 --> 00:01:46,000 page. Love and tradition of the grand design, some people say it's even harder 22 00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:47,000 to find. 23 00:01:47,940 --> 00:01:53,760 Well, then there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls. 24 00:01:55,060 --> 00:02:00,700 Cause all I see is a tower of dreams, real love bursting... 25 00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:25,040 on vacation, Steve? 26 00:02:26,740 --> 00:02:28,540 Why aren't you on vacation, Steve? 27 00:02:30,420 --> 00:02:34,140 Oh, well, it would have been inappropriate for me to join my parents. 28 00:02:34,140 --> 00:02:35,140 on their second honeymoon. 29 00:02:35,220 --> 00:02:36,660 Oh, how romantic. 30 00:02:37,340 --> 00:02:38,340 Where'd they go? 31 00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:42,660 Well, my mother went to Washington to visit the Smithsonian, and my dad went 32 00:02:42,660 --> 00:02:44,500 New York to see Clem Puddle's House of Reptiles. 33 00:02:47,500 --> 00:02:51,960 You know, several questions come to mind here. 34 00:02:52,340 --> 00:02:53,340 Oh, shoot. 35 00:02:54,060 --> 00:02:59,660 Your parents are taking separate second honeymoons? Oh, yes. They desperately 36 00:02:59,660 --> 00:03:02,560 want to avoid the tragedy that resulted from their first honeymoon. 37 00:03:07,880 --> 00:03:09,400 What was that? Me. 38 00:03:14,020 --> 00:03:16,180 Okay. Second question. 39 00:03:16,780 --> 00:03:21,720 Why would a guy spend his second honeymoon at Clem Puddle's house of 40 00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:23,160 Now, first... 41 00:03:24,140 --> 00:03:28,160 For some reason, my father is fascinated with animals that eat their own young. 42 00:03:30,660 --> 00:03:34,800 So, Steve, where are you going to be staying while your parents are gone? 43 00:03:35,180 --> 00:03:37,800 Some relative's house far, far away? 44 00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:42,560 Is that pity I hear in your voice? 45 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:44,680 No, it's hope. 46 00:04:33,610 --> 00:04:36,530 in that empty house all by yourself. You're staying with us. 47 00:05:45,410 --> 00:05:46,410 She's my type. 48 00:06:24,910 --> 00:06:26,610 I know, Steve. I came down to sing backup. 49 00:06:28,270 --> 00:06:30,370 Oh, and look, you even woke up Spike. 50 00:06:31,310 --> 00:06:33,250 Oh, you mean the terrifying Scolari? 51 00:06:34,390 --> 00:06:35,390 Right. 52 00:06:35,890 --> 00:06:37,830 I'm taking care of him for Lieutenant Murtaugh. 53 00:06:38,170 --> 00:06:42,470 So that means no more late -night blues sessions with V .B. Urkel. 54 00:06:43,410 --> 00:06:48,730 Got it. Hey, and bonsoir, big guy. Or as they say in old Mexico, buenas noches, 55 00:06:48,730 --> 00:06:49,730 hombre grande. 56 00:06:54,190 --> 00:06:55,190 Viva Zapata. 57 00:06:59,870 --> 00:07:03,590 Steve got up early this morning and fixed us a wonderful breakfast. 58 00:07:03,830 --> 00:07:04,830 What'd you make, Steve? 59 00:07:04,990 --> 00:07:07,570 Omelette. Oh, I love omelette. 60 00:07:08,230 --> 00:07:09,230 What kind? 61 00:07:09,450 --> 00:07:10,490 Liver and hentai. 62 00:07:20,250 --> 00:07:21,550 I'll let him go. 63 00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:30,960 out, Rich Meister. 64 00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:36,760 There's this kid at school who picks on me. His name is Timmy Thompson, but we 65 00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:37,980 call him the Terminator. 66 00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:41,160 Oh, tough guy, huh? 67 00:07:41,560 --> 00:07:46,520 He told me he'll beat me up if I don't give him a dollar every day, starting 68 00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:49,640 today. You know, I think you should tell your mom. 69 00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:53,300 I can't. She told me never to play under any circumstances. 70 00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:56,100 Oh, tell your teacher. 71 00:07:56,730 --> 00:08:01,510 She'll just make Timmy stay in the corner for a while. Then after school, 72 00:08:01,510 --> 00:08:04,110 hit me over the head with his little brother. 73 00:08:06,170 --> 00:08:07,570 Why are you telling me? 74 00:08:08,410 --> 00:08:13,910 I don't know. You just seem like the kind of guy who gets beat up a lot. 75 00:08:19,090 --> 00:08:23,750 Me? Beat up a lot? Well, I... You're very perceptive. 76 00:08:32,909 --> 00:08:34,530 Don't want to stand up to them. 77 00:08:35,010 --> 00:08:37,250 Richie, getting beat up feels real bad. 78 00:08:37,669 --> 00:08:41,370 But being afraid all the time, oh, that feels even worse. 79 00:09:04,010 --> 00:09:05,990 I'm Mark. I have a study date with Laura. 80 00:09:06,690 --> 00:09:07,690 Ah, yes. 81 00:09:08,050 --> 00:09:10,050 Laura told me you'd be dropping by. 82 00:09:11,330 --> 00:09:13,470 Laura's out right now, but she's due back shortly. 83 00:09:13,690 --> 00:09:14,690 Come on in, Mark. 84 00:09:15,190 --> 00:09:16,570 If that's your real name. 85 00:09:19,750 --> 00:09:22,390 Hey, are you Steve Urkel? 86 00:09:23,570 --> 00:09:24,930 Why, yes. How'd you know? 87 00:09:25,390 --> 00:09:27,130 You have a kick -me sign on your back. 88 00:09:28,010 --> 00:09:30,590 Why, those teachers always with the darn... 89 00:09:37,740 --> 00:09:39,480 three forms of identification, and a thumbprint. 90 00:09:40,300 --> 00:09:45,080 But first, would you kindly step into the bathroom and fill this? 91 00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:49,760 What? 92 00:09:50,080 --> 00:09:52,240 You object to a random drug test? 93 00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:53,600 I sure do. 94 00:10:22,540 --> 00:10:23,479 happened to you? 95 00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:25,860 I set off to tear me the Terminator. 96 00:10:26,100 --> 00:10:27,079 Guess what? 97 00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:29,160 He's a sucker for a left hook. 98 00:10:30,540 --> 00:10:32,620 Oh, well, way to go, Richie. 99 00:10:35,100 --> 00:10:37,740 Richard Crawford, you get up to your room right now. 100 00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:39,400 But, Mom. Go. 101 00:10:39,860 --> 00:10:40,860 Going. 102 00:10:43,700 --> 00:10:44,700 Steve, 103 00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:50,920 did you give my son some advice? 104 00:10:51,500 --> 00:10:56,080 Well, I believe... Did you tell him that it was okay to fight? 105 00:10:57,200 --> 00:11:02,440 Well, now, not in those exact words. Well, he took your advice, Steve, and he 106 00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:05,780 got into a fight today, and thanks to you, he's been kicked out of preschool. 107 00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:29,600 Yes, Laura, my little dust bunny. 108 00:11:29,820 --> 00:11:32,700 What did you do to my study date? 109 00:11:33,740 --> 00:11:37,060 Oh, you mean Mark, if that's his real name. 110 00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:41,960 I just said hi to him and he crossed the street, mumbling something about our 111 00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:43,460 house having a nerd infestation. 112 00:11:44,460 --> 00:11:49,720 Well, success stones may break my bones, but I'm here and he's not, baby. 113 00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:10,040 If you ever have... 114 00:13:45,980 --> 00:13:47,680 Steve, where's Spice? 115 00:13:51,480 --> 00:13:57,740 But, uh, Carl, I've got some bad news. 116 00:13:59,540 --> 00:14:01,020 And some good news. 117 00:14:02,460 --> 00:14:04,480 And some more bad news. 118 00:14:06,620 --> 00:14:07,620 Spit it out. 119 00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:24,920 Here goes. 120 00:14:25,380 --> 00:14:32,320 You see, Carl, I... I... I accidentally sucked Spike up in the vacuum cleaner. 121 00:14:32,900 --> 00:14:34,740 What? Oh, my God! 122 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:38,200 Oh, Carl, but the good news is that I got him out. 123 00:14:38,540 --> 00:14:40,260 Oh, thank God. 124 00:14:41,260 --> 00:14:43,920 But you know that more bad news I was talking about? 125 00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:50,860 Well, I, uh... I swallowed him. 126 00:14:54,990 --> 00:14:58,270 We've got to get him back. Oh, my God. What's your plan? 127 00:14:59,050 --> 00:15:00,130 Hello, Winslow. 128 00:15:07,270 --> 00:15:09,670 Lieutenant Murtaugh. 129 00:15:10,470 --> 00:15:13,670 You're back early from Las Vegas. 130 00:15:14,410 --> 00:15:15,570 Yeah, yeah. 131 00:15:15,810 --> 00:15:17,690 So, how's my fish? 132 00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:19,710 Well, sir, 133 00:15:20,510 --> 00:15:22,770 I... Well, uh, well... 134 00:15:31,710 --> 00:15:33,910 Something terrible has happened to your fish. 135 00:15:35,290 --> 00:15:41,630 Terrible? Oh, there's no way to break the news gently, so I might as well just 136 00:15:41,630 --> 00:15:43,330 come right out with the truth. 137 00:15:44,130 --> 00:15:45,130 Here goes. 138 00:15:45,330 --> 00:15:46,930 Your fish? Fish committed suicide. 139 00:15:48,610 --> 00:15:49,650 He what? 140 00:15:51,410 --> 00:15:54,690 Yes, sir. It was awful, sir. 141 00:15:59,840 --> 00:16:04,660 The minute you left, well, Spike got so very sad. 142 00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:09,540 He stopped eating. 143 00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:13,000 He stopped swimming. 144 00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:15,000 Excuse me. 145 00:16:16,880 --> 00:16:20,440 He just pressed his little face up against the glass. 146 00:16:26,020 --> 00:16:27,740 Oh, Pauline. 147 00:16:31,470 --> 00:16:32,089 for me. 148 00:16:32,090 --> 00:16:34,610 Or at least do a better job of it. 149 00:16:35,150 --> 00:16:38,090 Will somebody please tell me what happened to my fish? 150 00:16:38,470 --> 00:16:41,590 Lou, I accidentally killed Spike. 151 00:16:42,430 --> 00:16:45,310 I sucked him up in that very vacuum cleaner. 152 00:16:46,110 --> 00:16:48,810 Oh, come on. That's pretty hard to swallow. 153 00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:13,240 The problem won't go away. I was in the supermarket, and his mother tried to hit 154 00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:14,560 me over the head with her husband. 155 00:17:18,220 --> 00:17:20,099 Mom, Steve has got to go. 156 00:17:20,359 --> 00:17:22,359 Okay, okay, okay. 157 00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:25,740 Just give me a Mary Scott spike test. 158 00:17:28,339 --> 00:17:32,180 Please. I don't deserve to be around ice people. 159 00:17:33,830 --> 00:17:38,270 Nice enough to let me stay in your home. And I wanted to repay you. 160 00:17:39,090 --> 00:17:41,570 But instead I messed everything up. 161 00:17:42,330 --> 00:17:43,710 Like I always do. 162 00:17:45,790 --> 00:17:49,910 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Uncle Steve helped me. 163 00:17:50,850 --> 00:17:56,650 No, he didn't, honey. I mean, Steve, I had to beg you back into that preschool. 164 00:18:03,230 --> 00:18:09,530 Yeah, and I was afraid to go to school, and I wanted to be a whore for a night. 165 00:18:12,150 --> 00:18:14,730 To be a whore. You know, Laura, he's a whore. 166 00:18:14,930 --> 00:18:17,370 I'm not upset about your study date. 167 00:18:18,070 --> 00:18:20,070 Mark? If that's real. 168 00:18:22,430 --> 00:18:27,090 Well, then, I spiked just a mountain, and he outlit what he's doing. 169 00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:36,240 She sure got one hecka. I was about to have a moment. 170 00:18:39,660 --> 00:18:40,660 Uh, ma. 171 00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:43,520 What were you doing up at Makeout Mountain? 172 00:18:43,980 --> 00:18:46,940 Hey, Carl, don't you think I can change the subject? 173 00:18:47,180 --> 00:18:50,480 You know, ma, I want to light up in that house tonight. 174 00:18:51,700 --> 00:18:52,700 What the heck? 175 00:18:53,140 --> 00:18:56,960 What the heck? You know, that's my area. 176 00:19:12,430 --> 00:19:15,870 I was a garden. I'll be sure. 177 00:19:16,910 --> 00:19:19,150 He told me he. 178 00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:44,800 that free. I had to stay. 179 00:19:45,020 --> 00:19:46,660 I had free Google Play.